So I go a lot on my mind lately, so if I haven't talked to you for awhile let me catch you up on this blissful (enter sarcasm here) year I'm having..
Just after Christmas ended last year (2007) I got to talking to my old boss from (Mouse company) , we'll call him "D," and he asked me if I was ever interested in working as a graphic designer for him up in SF at (Big corporate retailer store) that he would love to have me and would let me know if something came up that meet my qualifications-- well fast forward to February and after 3 telephone interview throughout January, I fly out to SF and interview in person. The interview goes well , but then someone from within applies for the position I was interviewing for and I was passed up. ( I find this out in Mid March.) OK, not this time - its cool.
Then sometime whist I was waiting to hear back from (Big corporate retailer store) I get approached by a recruiter from JCPenny's, in Dallas, TX. So then here we go again, I fly out there in Mid April, and in the 2 days I'm gone my grandma dies. OMG! I find this out while my cousin in on her way to meet me from ft. worth and now I have to tell her in person also on the day before my interview, so without having to explain, the interview the next day didn't go so well, but that's ok because I didn't like the jerk that interviewed me , he was all "So what makes you think your good enough to work for JCPenny's?" -- Fuck him!
So I get back home on I believe the 16th of April and my family is in the biggest freak-out ever ( my grandma''s death was a complete shock, nobody saw it coming- heart attack) . There's a lot of family drama and everyone broke and the most affordable priced funeral is gonna cost $4500. So THEN if that isn't enough my disabled uncle who she was taking care of dies a week later. And we have another funeral to take care of, more money more funeral cost and more emotionally drained. Then grandpa moves in. DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA!
So the May rolls around and we are all broke emotionally drained and just when we think we are outta the clear. We have to move all my grandma's stuff (major pack rat) to our small 3 bedroom 1 bath house for 7 people (now 8) and 5 dogs. And this is affecting my dad enough to drink- which he very rarely does. (like once a year) - and yeah he called up some of his brothers and cussed them out. All of my Grandma's stuff reminds him of his mom. He's a sensitive guy.He thinks its wrong to get rid of and sell her things. But let me assure you she had ALOT of stuff, half her stuff is still in her trailer and this is 3 months later. Plus we were broke and we needed the money.
End of May we notice Doug our small black & white chihuahua getting really skinny and losing hair - I didn't have much money but we took him anyways to the vet. They test his skin and he has Demodex, left untreated it can kill him- similar to mange. So we have to give him some $45 dip treatment every 2 weeks for 4 dips.(plus routine check at the vet $28 per visit) Plus antibiotics($20) and some NutriCal ($12) supplement so he can gain weight. He's doing a lot better now. I think one more treatment left.
Then June rolls around - we are all still broke- some of us negative in the bank, cell phones on and off. My freelance work has been slow this whole year since I have been focusing on getting a full-time job/career and volunteering at the local High School ( which was some ray of sunshine in all of this mess.) I get a email from a recruiter from Kohl's Department store based in Milwaukee, WI and I interview with them for a designer position. I fly out the 7th for an interview on the 8th and return on the night of the 8th at 10pm PST, at LAX(mom got lost, again and went around LAX like 4 times before we found the freeway) Interview went very well, I was a bit worried it was gonna be brutal like JCPenny's but it was completely the opposite. Midwest people are friendly! So then I got all excited and the position they had in mind for me goes to someone else.. but that hey have me in mind for something else when it opens up..(looking to hear from them within the next 2 weeks. July 14-31st)
Mid June we have a Parvo outbreak and have to put 2 out of our 3 puppies to sleep. This was so hard. One was Cinnamon(chihuahua/mini-pincher mix, auburn hair) my good friend Lance's dog who I have been watching (long story) and she was 6 months old and very lovable, and the other as one of my dog's puppies Ellie who was only 2 1/2 months old. So when we found out our last pup Preston caught Parvo a week later (Ellie's brother) we were heartbroken. Fortunately by then I have some $2000 check come in and we were able to get him hospitalized and save him, which cost $1400.
Now it is July, I decided to go to church with my parents Sunday night and they go to a Baptist church, very fundamental bible believing. I was raised this way for the most part, but then the pastor said something stupid about gay people and I got offended so instead of it being an uplifting experience I was knocked down, and yes I do take it personally when he refers to homosexuals and calls us sodomites and says "there's no such thing as safe sin." Argh! I tried really hard to get over it the rest of the service but the ghetto side of me prevailed mentally and when the service was over I went and chilled in the car while my parents help clean up the church.
Obviously he is entitled to his opinion but when do gays have anything to do with the battle of Jericho and home foreclosures??? I'm so never going back to that church- he knew I got offended a year ago when he used the word "queers" and then he pulls this- its not the word that offends me(as much) it's the context on which its used. duh!
I don't think I have any "gay christian" friends but as you can imagine its tough being one. I do believe in God and Jesus and Salvation and all that but I also believe I was born gay. So I truly believe God made me this way. I don't feel I have to explain myself to anyone or try and change myself and certainly not made to feel bad for something I can't control or make go away. Enough said about that, I'm just pissed. I'm proud of who I am.
So for right now as of July 14, 2008 at 4am, I am waiting for Kohl's to call me back when they have those positions created. I know they still wanna try and hire me- and yes that means I would have to relocate to Milwaukee, WI. I need to get out of this house and live my life away from my parents. Shit I'm 23 I don't drive and I still live at home and yet there are those that consider me a role model- I don't get that either.
Home Life. You know how its usually like the parents kick the kids out of the house because they mooch, well my dad wants to keep me home because I help pay the bills and everything else.(yes he can afford to pay them on his own- if he had too) Its sad really and pathetic. I have decided recently that I wasn't born to be the best daughter in the world, I was born to be the best designer I could be! (shit that's why I went to college for!) I didn't go the The Tortilla Institute of Welfare Grubbing and Baby Making!
Let's talk finances. I pay $500 a month for a 2007 Toyota Corolla S that I don't even drive. (oh but trust me I'm growing balls and mark my words I'm gonna drive before the year is up!) My cell has been off for 3 weeks now I think I own Sprint a whopping $650 before my cell gets turned on and I am behind and maxed out again on my credit cards.Oh and I the owe the government $2800 for my 2006 taxes, I haven't done my 2007 taxes yet (cause I'm lazy and I lost all the papers.) I have less than a dollar in the bank and .47 cents in my Savings.
But yes, life goes on and after living this "Beverly-Hill 90210-Carlos-Mencia -wannabe- but more like Married-with-Childen- type" drama for the last 7 months of that fun. I'm ready to "leave the nest."
Here's what keeps me going right now. I know every happens for a reason and God's in control. Deep breath. Here's what I have to be thankful for; MY OPTIMISM! 1) I have an internet connection & a Mac with my design programs- that keeps me working & entertained , 2) I might get a job at Kohl's 3) I have a healthy alive puppy, and 4) I will eventually get paid for all this freelance work I have been doing.
That's my life. "This is the life I choose to led." That's what I tell myself everyday to remind myself that every second is another chance to turn it all around.
That feels SO GOOD to get all that outta my system. Thank you for reading.
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